Good humorous story on Keynesians. Unpublished Keynesian equation discovered
Startling Unpublished
Keynes Equations Discovered
LONDON | Friday Sep 30, 2011 3:26pm EDT
(Routers) – A remarkable discovery reveals equations that economists say could end the business cycle - forever.
LONDON | Friday Sep 30, 2011 3:26pm EDT
(Routers) – A remarkable discovery reveals equations that economists say could end the business cycle - forever.
Ian Macallum, spokesman for the Royal & Ancient
Historical Society of London, told Routers that the equations were contained in
an unpublished manuscript which was found in the attic of an 18th century flat
in Soho.
"We were skeptical when initially contacted
by the current owners” said Macallum. “There is no record of Keynes ever having
resided at that address. But we can confirm that the manuscript is indeed
an original work of Lord Keynes."
The formulas seem to have been derived from the
Navier-Stokes equations which describe the motion of fluid substances.
“It’s pure Keynesian genius” said former Fed
Governor Fred Mishkin. “There is a strong consensus among economists, at
least within the Federal Reserve, that liquidity is the answer to the age-old
question ‘what is the meaning of life?’” So, it makes perfect sense
that someone as brilliant as Keynes would adapt these equations to a framework
for fiscal and monetary policy.”
Although very technical in original form, Moody’s
Chief Economist Mark Zandi said the final derivation of the equations can be
simplified to the expression above.
“Unless you’re a PhD economist, I think it’s
impossible to appreciate the elegance of the final derivation: by raising every
stimulus factor to the power of infinity, you immediately move the probability
of future recessions to zero. It’s brilliant. The notion that
‘risk’ is a necessary component of free market capitalism will finally be
discredited.”
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke was equally
sanguine. “I’ve asked some of my fellow academics at CERN to begin modeling
the equations with an array of neutrinos, mixed with a small amount of
unconventional policy. Even without the helicopter, it should be
theoretically possible to achieve an economic growth rate faster than the speed
of light. Einstein was a monetarist, so I’ve always been skeptical of his
Special Theory. It is now painfully obvious that he should have raised
‘c’ to the power of infinity, not 2.”
“I’m still trying to catch my breath!” exclaimed
Nobel Prize winning economist Paul Krugman. “Literally, when I read the
equations, I felt a chill down my spine and a tingle in my balls. We can
finally end the partisan bickering and get the global economy back on track.”
(Reporting by Linda Green of Routers News)